So what actually happens when you come to a counselling session?
You have taken the first and hardest step by picking up the phone and ask for a session. This is probably the hardest part of counselling – picking up the phone with those anxious feelings and churning stomach. Well done.
The counsellor will ask you a few questions, e.g. why you want counselling; if you have had counselling before and they will tell you a little about how they work, fees, etc. If you feel that you would like to go ahead with the counselling then you will arrange a time that is convenient for you both for you to meet.
Finding out about you.
During this session the counsellor will try and get some background information about you. They are not being nosy, they want to get a feel for you as a person and see if there is anything that has happened in the past that may influence the counselling now, for example, a recent death/trauma; abuse in the past; family situation; what support network you have, etc. This all helps the counsellor to build a picture of you and what may impact on the counselling. It is about having an holistic view of the person.
It is also a time for you and the counsellor to meet and see if you feel comfortable with each other. Counselling only works if both counsellor and client feel they can build up a relationship of honesty and trust. At this point there is still no commitment to the counselling (with me anyway and I think I can say the same for most counsellors who are working ethically). During this session the counsellor may ask you to explore in a bit more detail the issues you would like to bring to counselling. The counsellor can also see if they are competent to work with you. Not all counsellors are trained or comfortable working in certain areas, i.e. I would not work with women who are thinking of having an abortion.
If you have any doubts about your counsellor’s fit to practice you can ask them to show you evidence of their qualifications. A counsellor:
- must have a Level 4 qualification in Counselling in order to practice; this can be a Diploma or a Degree.
- valid Professional Liability Insurance;
- be registered with the Information Commissioner’s Office (re GDPR);
- be a member of a regularity/ethical body, for example BACP (British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy), UKCP (UK Council for Psychotherapy);
- be having regular Supervision.
- Any counsellors should be able to show you evidence of these, so if you have doubts, ask!
It is natural to be nervous at your first counselling session and believe it or not the counsellor is usually a little nervous as well, no matter how long they have been qualified – I know I am. The counsellor will usually direct the first part of the first session by going through a Contract with you. This sets out the boundaries of counselling and covers confidentiality; notes; use of Supervision and session length, etc. If you are working on the telephone or through webcam it will also cover aspects relating to this. When you are both happy with the contents of this you will be asked to sign and date it. The counsellor may incorporate her Privacy Policy (how she stores your date for GDPR) into this or it may be a separate policy.
So you are ready to begin!
The counsellor will invite you to speak about what has brought you to counselling. They will listen to what you have to say and encourage you to say more about the things they think maybe important or may ask you to clarify something if they are not sure about something you have said.
As your counsellor does not know any of the people you are speaking about it gives you freedom to say exactly how you are feeling. When you are talking to friends and family you can sometimes hold back because in the back of your mind you may be thinking “If I say this they may tell such and such and I don’t want them to know I feel like this”; or “if I say this they will think I am stupid.” We do not feel as free but with a counsellor they know nothing about anybody and it gives you complete freedom to really say how you feel.
The counsellor is not there to judge or tell you you should do this or that. They will let you speak and in the speaking we can find clarification – somehow saying it makes it real and it can sound strange. It is not unusual for clients to say “I didn’t know I felt like that”; “It sounds stupid now I think about it.”
Person Centred Approach
I work in what is called the Person Centred Approach (PCA) the basis of which is that I believe that given the right environment a person can find the resources they need to help themselves and it is the counsellor’s job to create the right environment. The counselling process works when two people are in relationship with each other and when 3 core elements are present:-
- Empathy – the counsellor is trying to see the world from your eyes and can express this to you.
- Genuineness – when the counsellor is being genuine about what they are feeling. So if they are sensing that a client is feeling really hurt they may express this to the client if they feel it would be helpful to the client.
- Unconditional Positive Regard (UPR) – when a counsellor is doing their utmost to accept that person just as they are at that moment and can convey this to the client.
The PCA is about allowing you the client to talk about what you need to. The counsellor is not there to be directive and tell you what you should talk about nor are they there to give you advice as to what to do. They will help you to explore your world as and when you want to. There may be things you do not want to talk about and that is fine, you drive the sessions and direct what is talked about.
Clients ask “How many sessions do I need?” My reply to that is “You will know when you have talked about what you need to.” This may be 3, 6, 12, 25 sessions. Everyone is unique and even if you come with the same issue as someone else how you deal with it is unique to you.
You are the expert on you, not me! All a counsellor can do is come along side you and be with you as you look at what may be very painful areas of your life. They will journey with you and support you along the way.
If you would like to book an appointment:
- Email – ursula@counsellinginblackpool.com
- Phone – 07821 691888
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