I thought I would do something slightly different with this week’s blog and instead of me “talking” I have found two stories to do with anger, negative behaviour and other people being hostile towards us. From these stories you can take different messages; I have put a few questions underneath each one to help you think. Or just enjoy the stories for what they are.
Stories are a great way of getting messages across to others. This first story is really good at helping us to think about anger, our own and others; others negativity or when people abuse you.
The Buddha and the Abuse Story
A tale is told about the Buddha, Gautama (563-483BC), the Indian prince and spiritual leader whose teachings founded Buddhism. This short story illustrates that every one of us has the choice whether or not to take personal offence from another person’s behaviour.
It is said that on an occasion when the Buddha was teaching a group of people, he found himself on the receiving end of a fierce outburst of abuse from a bystander, who was for some reason very angry.
The Buddha listened patiently while the stranger vented his rage, and then the Buddha said to the group and to the stranger, “If someone gives a gift to another person, who then chooses to decline it, tell me, who would then own the gift? The giver or the person who refuses to accept the gift?”
“The giver,” said the group after a little thought. “Any fool can see that,” added the angry stranger.
“Then it follows, does it not,” said the Buddha, “Whenever a person tries to abuse us or to unload their anger on us, we can each choose to decline or to accept the abuse; whether to make it ours or not. By our personal response to the abuse from another, we can choose who owns and keeps the bad feelings.”
Sound familiar from some of my earlier blogs? We have choices as to what we do with other’s bad, angry or abusive behaviour.
We can use this response to other people’s negative behaviour; angry customers, disruptive kids, bad-tempered bosses, etc.
Questions to ponder…
- When people around you are angry, negative or abusive how do you react?
- Do you end up having a bad day because you have taken on someone else’s negative behaviour?
- What would help you not take on their negativity?
You mind find it useful to re-read my blog on dealing with other people’s anger
https://counsellinginblackpool.comdealing-with-others-anger/
This second story is about anger in marriage or a relationship. It may help you think about how you deal with your anger in a your relationships and is this a healthy or unhealthy way. It also, for me, brings up the question of secrets. Are they good in a marriage/relationship or should everything be shared. It seemed that for this couple it worked …..
The Shoe Box Story
There was once a man and woman who had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about. For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife’s bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box.
When he opened it, he found two crocheted doilies and a stack of money totalling £25,000. He asked her about the contents. “When we were to be married,” she said, “My grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never to argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doily.” The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious doilies were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness. “Honey,” he said, “that explains the doilies but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?” “Oh,” she said, “That’s the money I made from selling the doilies.”
………I guess she was angry with him quite a few times.
Questions to ponder ……
- Do you think it is a good idea to keep your anger from each other in a relationship?
- It seemed it worked for this couple. The husband had no idea at all. I wonder how crocheting helped her get rid of the feelings within her? Do you think it is healthy to keep your feelings in or better to share how you feel?
- How do you deal with anger in your relationship? Is it a healthy way of dealing with it?
- Do you argue in your relationship or do you sit down and communicate – talk about the problem/issue and get it resolved?
If you don’t wash up straight away it all builds up and builds up and eventually falls over and causes a mess. Anger is similar; if you let it build up and build up eventually it too will “fall over” erupt and cause a mess.
Don’t let the washing up build up!
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