Anger and Awareness (Part 4) Behaviour

Well I am sure you don’t need me to tell you what angry behaviour looks like. I am sure we have all been on the wrong end of someone else’s anger at some time in our lives and I am sure we will all agree that it is not very nice and can be quite frightening.

In the last few blogs we have looked at different aspects of anger. We looked at what anger is

• The Facts – https://counsellinginblackpool.comanger-the-facts/

Then we looked at the

• Physical Aspects – https://counsellinginblackpool.comphysical-awareness-and-anger/
• Emotional Aspects – https://counsellinginblackpool.comanger-and-awaren…part-2-emotional/
• Thoughts – https://counsellinginblackpool.comanger-and-awaren…-part-3-thoughts/

So now we are going to look at behaviour which is the last of the four main areas of anger that we identified in the blog about physical aspects. Remember we did the exercise Anger Is… where you had to put down any ideas you associated with anger.

These aspects can also be seen very clearly in the Vicious Circle of Anger. This is the last aspect we need to cover. I do not really need to list the behaviours associated with anger as I am sure you have all experienced it at some point. I remember as a child of about 5 maybe 6 having got my brother, who is 4 years older than me, annoyed somehow and he chased me down the stairs I ran into the living room and shut the door. He chased after me with his hands out in front of me and put them through the top of the door – the top half of the door was glass!! He got told off not me!! As adults we should be able to contain our annoyance a little better than my brother did and yet some people find it very difficult to do.

What you need to do is to break this vicious cycle. Our feelings dictating how we behave and think! Those “Hot thoughts” jumping in and making us feel bad about ourselves and then we react and take it out on those around us, often those closest to us. Seeing ourselves behaving/reacting in the same way – shouting, lashing out, and/or throwing things, etc. We keep going round and round in the circle. Something has to give, change for us to get out of this spiral.

This is where becoming aware of ourselves is really important. We need to recognise our thoughts and how they make us feel. We need to become aware of those first warning signs that tell us that we are getting angry – that tight feeling our chest, something stirring in our stomach. It is different for everyone. Getting to know yourself and your reactions is the first step to gaining control of your anger. Once you recognise what is going on and can name it then you can are in the position to make that choice – how am I going to react? Am I going to scream and shout like I always do or am I going to do something different?

Once we are aware we have the time and space to choose how we are going to react.

We are in control rather than our anger controlling us. It is a wonderful feeling to be able to do something differently. To have that control! I am not going to tell you that it is easy though. It takes time and energy but anything that is worth having is worth putting the time and effort into.

It will not happen overnight either. There will be times when you fall back into old habits and that is natural. It is like learning a new skill, you have to work at it and make mistakes and start again but I can assure you it is worth it. There is only you that can do it! Others can encourage you and support you but ultimately it has to be you that wants to do it. It is your life – take control of it rather that it controlling you. It is up to you who you want to be Mr Angry or Mr Angry (when he isn’t angry)?

I have mentioned before about being self-aware as the key to helping you change your behaviour. Mindfulness is a great help in this. Click on the Physical Aspects link above to find out more about this. Mindfulness can be used in all our daily activities, making a cup of tea, going for a walk. It is not just about doing breathing exercises!

I do not want to go into a great deal into techniques that can be use in this blog as I want to dedicate a full blog to this. Having said this, here are a few general things you can do to help yourself. First, is to make sure that you are getting enough sleep. As everybody knows lack of sleep leaves us feeling tired and irritable and so more prone to getting angry.

Also looking at what you eat. Certain food types help with our moods. Watch this very short video (3 mintues) for more information.https://youtu.be/CSHO9VdVRfg

Getting enough exercise is also important. Any exercise releases the “good feeling” hormones that help us to feel more positive so getting out and exercising is also beneficial for your emotional health as well as your physical health.

If you feel that you would like professional help to help you with this I am available. Sometimes having someone accompanying you can make all the difference. I offer telephone and video counselling. I used to teach Anger Management and I have seen people transform themselves and their relationships with a little help from me and the effort they have put in.

Telephone: 07821 69188

Email – Ursula@counsellinginblackpool.com

Website – www.counsellinginblackpool.com

Appointments available and I can fit in with your time frames. Evenings, daytime when every you are free. I am quite flexible and ready to help.