Having an awareness of ourselves and what we are thinking, feeling and what our body is saying to us can really help us to get a handle on our anger.  When I ask people what they are thinking they will say things like, “I am feeling tired” or “I’m fine.” (Whatever that means!) They have not really answered my question.

Often we are not aware of what we are thinking, feeling or what our body is trying to say to us. Having more awareness of what is going on within us can help us be calmer, think more clearly and be healthily physically. There are 4 areas associated with anger however, I think, there should be five.  Having stated them I then want to concentrate on our physical wellbeing.

So what are the 4 areas that anger affects us? Activity – I want you to get a piece of paper (about A4 size) and write on it “Anger is….”. Now write down any words/phrases that you associate with anger, e.g. shouting, tight chest, aggression, etc. Finished ……..?  OK.  Now go and find 4 different coloured pen to the ones you wrote with. Got them ……..? So take one pen and underline all the words associated with the categories below (so all the words to do with physical sensation you might underline in red) blue for emotion etc.

  • Physical
  • Behaviour
  • Thoughts
  • Emotions

Now have a think about how this would affect your overall feeling of well-being? What I would call your spirit (5th area) . For example, do you feel uplifted, or low in spirit, downcast? Sometimes this might be harder to define but I think it is just as important.

Wow. Colourful/powerful or what! If you missed out an area completely it does not matter. What did you learn about anger from that? Post your replies I would love to hear from you.

So, concentrating on the physical. Our bodies tell us when things are not right, i.e. they cause us to have a pain. When we have pain it is our bodies way of saying “Oh, You. You have not been looking after me properly! I have been trying to tell you but you have not been listening (aware) so I am going to give you a pain to make you sit up and take notice of me”.

See this Adrenalin Guide to see how much our body is affected by anger/anxiety.  It is not good for us to live in this state of tension all the time feeling that we are under attack. https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/adrenaline2.htm

Surprised? Imagine living in this state all the time. Our bodies are made to react to the danger and then to return to a state of relaxation. We should live most of our time in the relaxed state however when we are angry and tense we aren’t. We live in a state of tension most of the time and this is detrimental to our health. Relaxing helps our bodies to stay healthy.

Relaxation

So what physical symptoms are associated with anger? Maybe one of the obvious ones is tiredness. Lack of sleep leaves us feeling tired, lethargic and feeling that we “Can’t be bothered.” It can also lead us to become clumsier and start dropping things or forgetting things – where did I put my keys? What did you say about the kids? And as you know all this leads to less patience, more frustration and irritability. We are more easily provoked and our temper is much more easily stirred when we are in this state.

Body

When our bodies are in a state of tension all the time this also provokes that short fuse, our “buttons” are more easily pushed and we suddenly find ourselves shouting at people, slamming doors or getting into road rage.

Once we are more aware of our bodily sensations then we can be more aware of our anger and where it is in our bodies. We can “feel” it.  When I was teaching and I asked the learners’ if they can feel their anger some would say “No, it just happens. I am fine one minute and the next I am in a rage.” When I have worked with them for a few weeks they discover that they can feel it coming. It might be a tight feeling in the chest or a sensation coming up from their stomach and rising up to their chest. With a bit of work on self-awareness we can come to know our bodies better – we can listen better and we can get a handle on our anger.  We will feel our anger and how it affects us is different ways as we are unique and so are our bodies. As we are all unique so are our bodies and so how our anger manifests itself will be different for each of us.

So how can we become more aware I hear you ask? One of the best ways I have discovered in the last few years is by using Mindfulness techniques although there are many strategies and techniques out there, it is a matter of finding the one that works for you. Mindfulness is about living in the “now”. Being present to this moment – bringing all your awareness to what you are doing at this moment in time. Here is an example of how to mindfully fill the kettle to make a hot drink.

So thinking about what you are doing, “I am picking the kettle up taking it to the tap”. “I am turning the cold tap on.” (Thoughts). The kettle feels light; the tap feels cold to touch; my grip on the handle is getting tighter as it fills up – (physical sensations). I am turning around to walk to the tap; I have to lift my feet one at a time to walk to the tap; I have to turn my hand and wrist on the tap to turn in on/off (Movements). What emotions am I experiencing as I am doing this, (happy, sad, tired, frustrated)?

The act of being mindful does not happen straight away. It takes time and trying again and again. It is like learning to ride a bike. I bet you did not get on it and ride away into the sunset the first time you got on?  I bet you fell off a couple of times, wobbled and eventually got the hang of balancing and steering. Then you have to learn how to do it one handed so you can signal. Phew. A lot to think about. It is like this with any new skill. Learning self-awareness is just the same. It takes time and patience… but can be done. Once you have got the awareness about things around you, you will notice that you are becoming more aware of your bodily sensations, tensions, aches and your emotions. You will become more aware of what you are feeling and so you can start to feel when your anger is starting to flare.

Oh, look, we have come full circle. What was I saying at the beginning of this blog? You are bringing in all the things we talked about at the beginning when I asked to write down words/phrases to do with anger and to put them into the 4 areas!

Picture of trees covered in snow.

Further Information

  1. On my webpage www.counsellinginblackpool.com there is a free downloadable worksheet showing the four areas. Why not download one, pick a situation that you got angry in and see if you identify your behaviour, emotions, physical sensations and thoughts. Download as many as you want.
  2. There are lots of meditations and Apps you can download to help you relax, meditate and sleep.